Burning My Travels Clean

There's a weird phenomenon I've recently discovered. It goes as such; the further apart my return trips home become, the higher the frequency and shorter the interval between my mothers phone calls. The two variables are somewhat inversely related; that is to say that as trips home decrease, phone calls increase; however, despite my moms sincerest aspirations, the amount of times she calls me doesn't increase the number of times I go home. Anyways, pretty basic idea, and as anyone who's taken any economics class knows, it's this same type of math that drives entire market economies and all of capitalism, and really, how can I argue with that! ? With this in mind, i've decided that it would be foolish of me to flirt with disaster much longer and push this balance even further out of equilibrium. I fuckin need to go home.

Listening to Cio-Cio San fall in love all over again

-Brian

Dearest blogg,

I'm sorry for ignoring you the last few days. I know I know, I promised 30 posts in 30 days but I'll make it up to you by writing three posts on one day . . . but not today. Or tomorrow. Or anytime next week. Also not on Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, or every other Monday. Soon though, I promise ;) Anyways, in the wake of an outstanding weekend I figured I'd reflect on a few things I've learned.

1) Things are always different in your head. After having a few particularly fascinating conversations, I've since recognized that certain aspects of my life sound way worse when I vocalize them. Then I realized that they don't just sound worse; they are worse. I think I've tried to downplay so many things, that in my mind at least, they've become unfortunately trivialized. Outside of my mind however, peoples responses will say otherwise. The moral of the story is that my summer sucked. The second moral is that it is so much better now. I love my life and I refuse to live it scared!

2) You can put your legs in the sleeves of a snuggie and look even more badass. Especially if it's some kind of animal print so it looks like you have the legs of some super fast land mammal!

3) Walking places isn't half bad, especially if the weather isn't shitting on you. And also if you have good company. And especially also (purposefully terrible word choice fyi) if you put your legs in the sleeves of a snuggie.

4) Sometimes when you are drunk, you don't necessarily forget what you did, but you can very easily forget the order in which you did them. P.S. you did it first. Also, to my astonishment, there are people in this world who don't know who 2pac is. Yes, you read correctly everyone, 2pac. Keep in mind that this person was not an 80 year old women nor a deaf person, but rather an 18 year old girl with perfectly fine hearing, albeit huge pupils. Do you live under a rock, Patrick? ;)

5) I forgot how good I am at wii bowling, and let me assure you, I'm pretty damn good.

Carry on all you minstrels of the world!

-Brian

Certain things really irk me. They make me ask myself . . . What the fuck?!?!

These are some of those things.

Have you ever read or heard somebody say, "for your safety and convenience (insert random bullshit that nobody really pays attention to)." For some reason, and I doubt it's just me, I feel like safety and convenience are too dissimilar to be included in the same thought. Safety is something I think about in the sense of, "oh cool, I wont die from this," whereas convenience is more like, "awesome, this will make me fat." Too stubborn to believe that the world can function with such a contrived and idiotic public announcement, I figure that what they were really getting at is actually just misunderstood rather than actually just stupid. This train of thought in turn led me to the conclusion that what they are really saying is, "hey watch out, this is sooo convenient that it is practically unsafe." Case in point, escalators, particularly for people in wheelchairs. Or easy mac (not necessarily more dangerous to people in wheelchairs).

Easy Mac: it's Wheelie-Cheesey

Nutritional facts on water bottles. Why? Oh theres nothing in water and you mean to tell me that it's calorie free?!?! Thanks for so blatantly patronizing me water company! We're not friends anymore. I'm actually hoping to someday find a water bottle that says something like, "calories-0, sodium-0, carbs-0, 1.99 molar citric acid-10,000%!" That's the kind of water I like to drink. Also probably why I like mountain dew so much ;)

I hate how my mom asks me about my girlfriend everyday. The main issue with her inquiry is that I don't have a girlfriend. She then proceeds to ask me how my club foot is. There is no issue with that question.

Golf anyone?

Why does Kanye West just go on these arbitrary ridiculous rants that make him look like an idiot . . . oh wait that seems eerily similar . . . :( Damn you blog!

We learned in chemistry today that it is extremely difficult and proportionately so, extremely expensive to get a truly 100% solution of anything. This of course brings into question the validity of Juicy Juice. 100% real juice my club foot!

On a positive note, It's almost Friday! On a less positive note, it isn't Friday.

Godspeed, you!

-Brian

Yup, apparently that's an actual saying. It's really great ;)

It may a tad bit early to postulate any conclusions, but perhaps I am turning over a new leaf. Earlier today I had my bio lab and if you didn't already know labs, inherently so, come with post lab write-ups. These assignments, literally the direct offspring of satan, are the most painfully, painful, pain inducing pain causers imaginable. Yes, even more so than slamming your finger in a door and waiting for it to turn all black and gooey and disgusting and eventually fall off and/or getting hit by a horse and buggy. Anyways, these write-ups are turned in at the beginning of your next lab session the following week in all its magnificent, sweat and tear drenched glory complete with its miserable, godforsaken tables, and graphs, and charts and paragraphs written in the driest scientific language imaginable. Anyways, the point here is that if my lab is on Tuesday then the post lab from last weeks experiment is in turn due that day. All this of course means that my post lab was generally done the Monday before, and Monday night at that . . . late Monday night . . . perhaps even Tuesday morning. This is where the all important caveat comes into play; if you remember way back from all of a few sentences ago, I turned over a new leaf, and if you have even the faintest problem solving inclinations, you have probably deduced that I've done my post lab well before Monday night, but then again, knowing me, I doubt you would ever guess that my post lab is already done, tonight! Oh yes friends, not only did I do it early, I essentially did it as early as you can do it, tossing aside any self inhibitions I may have had concerning my work ethic. I suppose the natural question, like it is more times than not, is why? Earlier in the day I was accused of far to often succumbing to the path of least resistance. My response . . . of course I do! If you think about it, water, the fundamental substance of life takes the path of least resistance doesn't it? (yes it does). So why would I want to deny such an innate, natural property of the world? I don't! So that whole spiel about being accused of being lazy, yeah, I didn't really care about that.

As I was laying in my bed late last night after being so rudely awakened by yet another wet dream (joking) my mind, naturally, began to wander. I didn't start thinking about something cool like hott babes or Harry Potter, nope, I'm a nerd so I was of course thinking of school (actually sKOOL in my personal dictionary ;) ) Anyways, the week prior I had received my first graded biology exam of the semester. I wont divulge my score to you out of pure embarrassment (but if you can't figure it out . . . you lose). Although it was low, it turned out that I was right near the average so all in all I didn't feel that bad as I am of course an exceptionally average person and I wouldn't dare exceed the expectations I set for myself! Purely out of curiosity, I looked closely into my study habits in an attempt to pinpoint the source of my low score. These are the trends I discovered:

1) I go to class basically ALL the time, probably at least once or twice a week.
2) I study at minimum a solid two days before the test.
3) I take awesom notes!

(noncyclical electron flow) (proton photophosphorylatin) (calvin-benson cycle) (cytochrome complexes)
4) I don't even sit in the back!

So attendance and work habits dismissed, it can logically only be one thing; the temperature of the room is so uncomfortably cold that all thoughts of biology are almost immediately replaced by penguins, Norwegian ski sweaters, and how racist Al Sharpton is.

So their really is only one possible way to ameliorate such unbearable cold . . . and I think you know where I'm going with this ;)

A few days back, I was having a particularly enthralling conversation with two lovely lady friends of mine. Actually, now that I think about it, the conversation probably wasn't that entertaining, it was actually probably fairly run of the mill, that is of course until the subject changed from generic bullshit, to SNUGGIES! Anyways, after a long debate, the basic message I came away with is that if girls saw a guy wearing a leopard print snuggie they would think to themselves, "that is a guy that I DO NOT want to make out with." My only question is . . .

When did Steve Nash get so funny? I mean, I thought he was Canadian!?!

Funny

Funnier

Absolutely FUCKIN hilarious

If you didn't enjoy these, or at the very least the last one, you have no soul.

Enjoy your evening friends!

-Brian

So after much inner debate, i have decided to make my way back into the blogging world. But what has provoked this sudden rejuvenation? The abrupt revival of this here blog of mine!? Well perhaps the simplest answer I could give you would be stability. I've sort of reestablished myself lately and acclimated to my new circumstances as well as, to some extent, my new self. It's weird to think about the state of mind I was in looking back on prior posts. I was so deeply involved in things that now hold so little meaning in my life that I'm beginning to wonder if even the strongest of emotions are all steeped in ephemerality. But all that aside, lets bring y'all up to speed. First big change from the old Brian is that I decided, after a summer full of back and fourths, to not play football. I can't say that their isn't a tiny smidge of regret in the back of my mind (especially now that the cats are ranked 6th in the nation and are playing shittty luis and clark this weekend where I would have probably got in the game!) but football at its core, is not an altruistic sport. I don't care what bullshit saying you give me about team, nobody goes out to practice for 4 hours a day and rams into large men for the guy next to them. When it comes down to it, football, and especially college football, is played because you yourself loves the game, not because you love to play for your teammates, or your dad, or your friends, god forbid your girlfriend, or what have you. That does not work.

Secondly, and perhaps the most relevant to the new self I alluded to in the opening sentences, my ex-girlfriend Amy is now just that, my ex-girlfriend. It may seem kind of overly dramatic to say that a break up so drastically changed my life but thats what two years will get you right? A hole fuckin shit ton of hurt. I know i know, same old thing you've heard from past family and friends, sorry to be so cliche haha. It could be that I'm about to go off on some sob story about how heart broken I am and how I hate girls for it and will never love again, but if you thought that, i guess you don't know me that well. The final word I will ever say about the issue is that I am unbelievably thrilled that it is finally over and that even though a few months ago I would have never thought this to be the case, I am actually better for it! Everyone needs to get their heart broken once I figure; it does wonders for ones confidence, especially when you figure out you can stand on your own after so long. Very self affirming. Oh, one more thing I suppose I should note, BITCHES AINT SHIT! ;) Alright, that was unnecessary, but its my blog so I honestly couldn't care less about such things.

Lets see lets see, what else is new with me . . . . Guess you'll have to keep checking in to find out :) And I assure you it will be SOOOOOO interesting!!

Until next time,

-Brian