Burning My Travels Clean

So on this years ever popular all hollows' eve, I found myself in an increasingly foreign yet eternally familiar situation in always classy Pullman Washington. This was only the second time I've been back since my official departure from the university and I must admit, I miss it more and more every time I go back. No, I don't like the weather, and yeah it is in the exact location that the person who coined the phrase middle of nowhere was standing when he uttered the euphemism, but my friends there are amazing and I miss them all very much. Now, in the wake of an incredible weekend, where to begin writing. How about a basic recap? Idk why i even asked that question, I'm going to write about it regardless.

Friday: To start the day off right, I thought it would be fitting to take a chemistry test that very well could decide whether or not I pass . . . failed it, but I didn't feel too bad because I knew that my day had a greater calling, and by greater calling I of course meant 7 hours in a car driving through the exceptionally drab scenery of eastern Washington. Whoop! Anyways, after what for some odd reason seemed to be an unusually long drive I was informed that I had been banned from Gonzaga for some ridiculous circumstance imposed by someone with even more ridiculous logic, and thus my good friend James, the road warrior, unfortunately had to add another hour to his trip to accommodate. Perhaps it was for the best, but come on, really? I'm sorry you feel the way you do, and I'm the bitter one ha - but I digress. Once in Pullman I was given the grand tour of my old roommates' new house. Jealousy ensued.

Saturday: Having essentially sacrificed the passing of a biology test scheduled for the following Tuesday by going to WSU, I thought I'd at least attempt to fend off the inevitable by attempting to get a little studying in. I must say though, I impressed myself by how much I actually accomplished. After this, it was preparation for the night to come. I suppose the highlight was buying 14 pounds of dry ice and in retrospect, that sort of screams Carbon dioxide poisoning doesn't it? Oh well, I don't think anyone died.

Saturday Night: Tits. I remember before I left for Pullman I was sitting in my chem lab talking to my lab professor, Amy (who's super kick ass btw) about going to Pullman. She recommended I didn't go for the sake of my bio test on Tuesday. I offered up my logic arguing that ten years from now will I think to myself, "man, I did really well on that bio test!" or "remember halloween 09 in Pullman when that kid shit all over the floor?" Oh did I give it away?! Yeah, you read right, SHIT EVERYWHERE!

Well where to begin . . . I can't say I was the drunkest I've ever been, but I was certainly the least coherent. It felt as though I was merely observing myself like some kind of movie with the worlds sexiest leading actor as opposed to actually being in control of myself. But besides remembering that out of body feeling, everything from here on was told to me second hand the next morning. 1) I somehow was allowed to grab a kitchen knife, practice my knife fighting ending it with a solid stab into the ceiling where the knife remained. 2) Obnoxiously sang the ducks fight song an egregious amount of times at an even egregious-er volume (keep in mind that WSU is not the U of O). Quack attack. 3) "fuck gonzaga G.O.N.Z.A.G.A." oops, sorry to all the zags at the party, I assure you I didn't mean it and have actually enjoyed Gonzaga every time I've been. Spokane is a lovely city ;) 4) Body slammed a car. Huge mistake . . . even huger dent. 5) Went for a midnight jog/sprint through traffic. 6) Passed out and got my legs massaged?? 7) filled a winco paper bag with meals, candy, and liquids ingested throughout the night. 8) Incredible second wind plus daylight savings led to more party. 9) Practiced my dance moves I learned from rap videos over the years. 10) I vaguely recall walking through the house when things were dying down thinking to myself, "tonight was a fuckin weird night, what else can possibly happen?" Then i look over and see this black guy making out with a chick dressed as a crayon. I was thinking, "haha crayon," when the black dood projectile vomits everywhere. When it rains it pours I guess haha. 11) And perhaps the crown jewel of them all. I present this to you as a dialogue between Ben and Mike.

Ben - "Mike, where is the febreeze?" (note a distinguishable quiver in his voice)

Mike - "What the fuck, why?"

Ben - "There's shit everywhere . . . !!!! . . . !!! . . ?" (note the vile smell that pours into the room)

Mike - " . . . "

Jimmy - " . . . . . . . . "

Brian - "What the fuck is that smell?"

Poop. Everywhere. The walls, the carpet, the bathroom floor, doors, seemingly everywhere but the toilet. How does this happen? Who is at a party and sees a guy shitting on the floor and thinks to themselves, "oh he's just taking a dump, thats cool." And how do you shit next to the toilet? I mean, you're there man! You made it, just align yourself properly! My final question is this, who the fuck pissed in the bed?! And whose vodka was wrapped in Mike's pants?!

Nothing like breakfast in the morning with 12 people with 12 different accounts of the night before, damage control on the old cell phone, a headache that could cause cancer and a 10 hour extended drive home. And the moral of the story is: Where did this come from?

Shout outs:

-James, o captain my captain, excellent road tripping. I'm sure we'll be making the trip again soon.

-The very adorable Ashley. Thanks for coming to get me, you're pretty great! P.S. my family thought so too :)

-Michael, Brian, Ben, Jeff and Ellie, thank you so much for hosting us. WIsh I could have stayed longer . . . perhaps I can ;)

-Arne. For massaging my legs.

-Mark, Jimmy, John, B-lock, J-mill, and MQ good seeing you all as always.

-Probably forgetting a ton but if we interacted at all, thanks for a great weekend!

I have a lot on my mind so more posts soon I promise.

Last call at the hospital,

-Brian