Burning My Travels Clean

I just sent a text message to my girlfriend not that long ago and was struck with an overwhelming sense of disappointment.  I wasn't disappointed in the text I sent or recieved from my gf, in fact, I'm just glad that she still talks to me haha.  I was upset because my phone sucks.  I have an iPhone but still, I stand by my statement; my phone sucks.  Now don't get all uppity because I'm sure in comparison to some phones, mine isn't all that bad, and I'm sure some of you still have one of these.  Anyways, ya sure, I have sweet games, and random apps for random shit, but you know what I don't have?  Picture messaging.  To this I say, wow, thanks a lot apple for making me pay an egregious amount of money and depriving me of basic features that every other, even piece of shit, 7-11, pay as you go phones have.  I would trade Super Monkey Ball, Cube Runner, and Falling Balls for any type of multi media messaging, a virtual necessity of cell phone capabilities.  Adding to the shit pile, Apple also claims that the safari app is the "real internet."  The real internet?  Ya maybe ten fucking years ago.  Give me a break.  This "real internet," is the internet minus any type of flash capabilities.  That to me, is the fake internet, or at least the useless, boring internet for old people that only check stocks, the weather, and emails.  I like to play games and watch porn!  How the hell am I going to do this when the only driver available on iphone is youtube?  Ok, I don't watch porn, and I don't really play that many flash games, but it would be nice to know that if my friends wanted to play games and watch porn they could do it if they wanted.  And yes, they do all LOVE watching porn and playing games.  Perverted nerds.  Side notes: 3G isn't that fast at all.  It's kinda like winning the 100 meter dash at the special olympics. (I am an awful, awful person.)  Ya you're fast, for what it's worth.  Also, why do I pay 30 extra dollars a month for "data?"  WTF is that about.  30 extra dollars for "data" that doesn't include picture or video messaging?  This is straight american bullsheet!