Burning My Travels Clean

A good friend of mine is going through a tough time as of late.  She did something that no matter how or when it happened, was going to be hard, and for that she deserves to be commended.  The right choice, as it seems, is rarely the easy one, or the one that is the most convenient and least disturbing to the norm.  So whether in the end her decision proves right or wrong, at least she will now be empowered knowing that she has the ability to make the tough decision.  Sorry if it seems like I'm beating around the bush (that phrase kinda grosses me out), but I don't want to step on anyones toes or cross any boundaries.  I wont lie, now is the time to be sad.  So if you feel sad, be sad!  The only thing that will make you feel better, is in fact, feeling worse.  It'll pass, and then, head up ;)

The Blazers lost (sigh) and my girlfriends team lost in their championship intramural game today as well which reminds me that basketball is a fickle, fickle game.  Sometimes you make the free throw, and some times you air it.  You just can't predict these things.  I do know one thing for sure though, and that is that I love watching basketball when my team is winning, but legitimately hate it when they're not.  It's a strange paradox, but when it comes down to it, if basketball is on, I end up watching it either way.

One last thing that has been on my mind lately, is that there is a lot of people blogging on here about some serious pot stirring issues.  I just want to remind people that yes, the internet is a perfect place to say those types of things, but I urge you to ask yourself, why you are writing it in the first place.  If you're just trying to raise eyebrows and cause useless debate over a topic that you yourself don't necessarily believe in, that does nothing but piss people off and clog up my blogger news!  For Christ's sake, don't write solely for the sake of being controversial.  To combat this, I've developed, with a little inspiration from a friend, a tool that anyone may use.  Follow this template that is not only non-confrontational but also inspires insightful conversation: Do this: "I think this. What do you think?"  Don't do this: "I'm right, you're wrong. Fuck you."

I just sent a text message to my girlfriend not that long ago and was struck with an overwhelming sense of disappointment.  I wasn't disappointed in the text I sent or recieved from my gf, in fact, I'm just glad that she still talks to me haha.  I was upset because my phone sucks.  I have an iPhone but still, I stand by my statement; my phone sucks.  Now don't get all uppity because I'm sure in comparison to some phones, mine isn't all that bad, and I'm sure some of you still have one of these.  Anyways, ya sure, I have sweet games, and random apps for random shit, but you know what I don't have?  Picture messaging.  To this I say, wow, thanks a lot apple for making me pay an egregious amount of money and depriving me of basic features that every other, even piece of shit, 7-11, pay as you go phones have.  I would trade Super Monkey Ball, Cube Runner, and Falling Balls for any type of multi media messaging, a virtual necessity of cell phone capabilities.  Adding to the shit pile, Apple also claims that the safari app is the "real internet."  The real internet?  Ya maybe ten fucking years ago.  Give me a break.  This "real internet," is the internet minus any type of flash capabilities.  That to me, is the fake internet, or at least the useless, boring internet for old people that only check stocks, the weather, and emails.  I like to play games and watch porn!  How the hell am I going to do this when the only driver available on iphone is youtube?  Ok, I don't watch porn, and I don't really play that many flash games, but it would be nice to know that if my friends wanted to play games and watch porn they could do it if they wanted.  And yes, they do all LOVE watching porn and playing games.  Perverted nerds.  Side notes: 3G isn't that fast at all.  It's kinda like winning the 100 meter dash at the special olympics. (I am an awful, awful person.)  Ya you're fast, for what it's worth.  Also, why do I pay 30 extra dollars a month for "data?"  WTF is that about.  30 extra dollars for "data" that doesn't include picture or video messaging?  This is straight american bullsheet! 

My life hit an all time low today.  Ok that's a bit dramatic, but I assure you that at one point during this 24 hour period I was in a very unpleasant situation.  It started like this.  I woke up at 6:30 for my daily weightlifting routine, but not by choice mind you, but instead for the crazy schedule proposed by the sheer insanity that is college football and it's equally insane coaches.  The schedule was as follows: hang clean progressions, box jumps, pull ups, bench, uneven med ball pushups, tricep pulldowns, curls, broad jumps, db split jerks, abs, and then the usual 15 minute cardio cool down (I almost always skip this :)  That list was needless; I'm sure you couldn't care less.  Anyways, after the longest hour+ of my life, I was on the final facet of my workout, the lower back and abs section, when suddenly I was struck with the unsurprisingly crappy urge to regurgitate.  I ran out of the weight room and into the locker room to the nearest toilet and discontinued my natural resistance to hold it in and instead, I pushed it out.  It's not as simple as that though, see, as stated previously, it was 6fuckin30 and therefore I had not eaten anything.  So, if the dots are connected they eventually form the exceptionally shit-tay picture of me dry heaving.  Ouch.  As if 6:30 wasn't early enough, and my workout wasn't hard enough, I just had to throw up to make it that much worse?  Then after these shenanigans were all said and done, I got to reward myself with chalky, clumped up, foamy, tear jerkingly disgusting protein powder who's chocolate flavor is insipid as a rice cracker but still somehow manages to taste like straight turds (and no I don't actually know what turds taste like.  I don't eat poop shit head).  What a strange paradox this all is; every bone in my body completely despises this game, but every neuron in brain absolutely loves it.  Thats not fair brain/body!  Why do you guys have to do this to me! 

The following is the story of my weekend; I had a really good weekend.  The moral of this story is that you don't realize how much you actually miss someone until you remember why it is you miss them.  There is a sub-plot to my story as well and that is that the only thing that should be burned after watching "Burn After Reading," is your own eyes for watching such negligent filth.  This is a very sad (and not in the sob cry funeral type of way, but more in the "this is a piece of shit" type of way) and very obviously contrived excuse of a comitragedy.  I could go over what was specifically wrong with this movie, but really it doesn't even deserve that.  What I will say though is that towards the end of the movie, the two CIA agents or whoever the fuck they are are talking and say something like, "So what did we learn from all of this?"  and the other responds saying, "I'm not sure, sir.  I guess nothing."  I personally translated this to mean, "Hey you stupid fuck, we just successfully wasted two hours of your life by telling you a story that we LITERALLY JUST ADMITTED had no meaning and was completely and utterly pointless."  Thank you Joel and Ethan Coen, and by thank you I mean go jump off of a building tall enough to seriously injure you but not quite kill you.  A bit punitive, but I don't like people wasting my time.  P.S.  One important caveat, No matter how bad Burn After Reading is, it will still always be better than Something's Gotta Give ;)

There is a set list of awkward moments that almost everyone must go through.  Their is of course the biannual (I realize that biannual means twice a year, but I couldn't think of the word that means once every two years so I used it anyway) turn your head and cough, the terrible foreign language presentations you had to do in high school, and of course those times when you accidentally fart in public (just the thought cracks me up, unless of course it happens to me, then it isn't funny); the list goes on.  Unfortunately, at least for the next week or so, my list has been permanently increased by one.  Most everyone experiences the strange awkwardness of the first week of college only once, but a very select few get to do it twice.  I of course qualify for the latter.   I transfered from Washington State to Linfield College in Mcminnville, Oregon.  New school, new schedule, new people, new experiences, there is bound to be some awkward tension somewhere in that mix.  And believe me there is.  I'm beginning to make friends, and my roommate is pretty cool.  I joined the football team to hopefully expedite the friend making process.  All in all I think I'll be fine.  It'll just take a little time to get used to but I'll be able to do.  I mean, it's not like I haven't done it before! 

From the first time I stepped onto this campus the differences were hugely obvious.  There is a population difference of about 18,000.  The differences between a big public university and small private institution are about as numerous as the differences between a penis and a vagina.  And no, one doesn't fuck the other in this case.  Pervs.  It's hard to tell which is better at this time.  And even then, I'm not really trying to determine that.  All I can really say is that they are just different.  Here, I meet people and they remember me.  They wave at me when I see them the next day and give me the occasional high five.  At WSU, I met people, but I'd be lucky to see them again.  Ever.  The chances that you would run into someone randomly at WSU were literally 1 in 20,000.  Here there are slightly better odds to say the least.  I see people multiple times a day sometimes.  But their is a downside to all of this as well.  What if there is people you don't want to see?  What if you attract psycho stalkers?  At a big school, you can just fade into the crowd and avoid people you don't want to see . . . or be stalked by.  You can kick it in the back row of a class of 500 and relax.  Maybe do a little facebook. Play some iphone games like my friend Brian and I normally did,  or I suppose you could take notes if you're really bored.  The point being that you don't have to worry about getting called on randomly and embarrassed in that crazy nazi law school syncratic method.  Here though, different story.  I am on the edge of my seat at all times, because all my teachers are all in fact, crazy nazi's who love the law school syncratic method.  Ok that may be a exaggerated, but this story isn't straying too far from the truth.  

I've actually begun making a chart.  It's a chart of direct comparisons.  Obviously only certain things can be included on this list.  Things that can actually be compared and a winner and loser can be easily determined without any hypotheticals.  This is that list so far . . . 

Food:  WSU.  Washington State wins hands down.  One word; McCoug.  I just creamed myself. 

Dorm Room:  Linfield gets the edge here.  My room is just way bigger haha.  My girlfriend doesn't refer to it as "the dungeon,"  plus wifi that actually works.  

Drom Building?:  I had to make a distinction here because at WSU I lived in a suit style quad with 6 other very cool kids . . . and we had a projector that displayed 105 inches of sexy HD madness.  Damn, creamed myself again.

Faculty (or staff, I'm never really sure what the difference is):  I think I'd have to go with Linfield on this one just because all my teachers, all my advisors, all the coaches, even the president knows my name.  

Rec Center:  I'm pretty sure WSU's rec center beats everyones.  

Schedule:  My current schedule here at Linfield really could not be any better.  Monday, Wednesday and Friday I start at 1:00.  Not to mention that on Wednesday and Friday, I start at 1:00 and end at 2:00 (that's one class FYI).  Tuesday and Thursday are my tougher days but they're not even that bad.  The kicker is that I have football workouts interspersed in there and depending on their allocation, it can really ruin my day; ie waking up at 6:30 to go do some hang cleans BG.

Well that's it so far.  This list is pretty short being that this is only my second day, but as of now, I'd have to call it a push.  Both great schools with their own strengths and weaknesses.  But, if I had to choose . . . maybe WSU just because of those fucks in 202 ;) plus those guys down the hall.  But not Joe Choi.  I'm kidding.  I like you too Joe. 

As alluded to in a previous post, my girlfriends birthday, that was that posts tomorrow, is this posts today.  So essentially, since she is a solid one third of this blogs followers (that means that if this were a proof, it could be easily discerned that I have three followers for those of you not mathematically inclined.  This is a useless tangent.) this is dedicated to her on her very own special annual holiday.  There is a boatload of things that can be said about my girlfriend.  This is me saying a few of those things because girls always like to hear it and guys are somewhat reprehensive to express it.  P.S. I really couldn't give a fuck about reprehensivity (?) I write what I feel and I know that I feel quite strongly for this particular girl. (P.S. I realize that "P.S." stands for post script.  Post meaning after but obviously when I used it earlier it was more mid script. Just saying if there is any nit-pickers out there. Note: propose the institution of abbreviation M.S.) M.S. I realize I could footnote all of this too.  Anyways, back to the subject at hand.  Many people ask me what it is about my girlfriend that makes her so special.  Tough question right?  I thought it was too, but the first time somebody asked me I surprisingly had an immediate answer.  I completely and absolutely respect her.  In our relationship neither of us were the proverbial pants.  We both wear shorts.  I look at her and see someone that deserves my respect in every way.  She has her shit together, she loves her friends and family, she's intelligent, athletic, a great conversationalist, and debilitatingly good looking.  But more important than all of this is her ability to earn my respect by having such a high regard for herself.  No, not in an arrogant way, but just in a self respect kind of way.  She has a confident, self-assured, independent aura that demands due regard.  I think it is so important that I look at her and don't feel superior or inferior.  I look at her and see someone that is my equal and deserving of my admiration in exchange for her own. 

I bought three books today for 225 dollars.  What's more is that they were all used.  I don't really understand this whole thing.  I have to pay an absurd amount, an almost criminal debauchery, for these books when all they will do in return is KICK MY ASS.  I have a 600 page book on international relations.  You couldn't find drier reading in a 50 year old almanac.  The worst part is when they buy them back and you realize the extent of the robbery.  Fuck this I'm going on welfare . . . 

How have I gotten into this situation . . . again?!?!  February is quite the bittersweet month for me.  It goes like this: Feb. 10th is my girlfriends birthday, Feb. 13th is my mothers birthday, and of course, the big bulls eye on the calender that strikes fear into the hearts of millions of ill-prepared boyfriends and husbands who are all active practitioners of procrastination, Valentines Day.  But, I can't say that I dread these days completely.  I'm happy for my girlfriend and my mom on their birthdays, it makes me glad that they're not dead yet, and Valentines Day is alright in its own way.  I mean, you all know it was way cool back in elementary school when it was a legitimate holiday but now, as a non-single adult, it's evolved into a malevolent coin sucking monster that has been hyped up to unattainable heights.  Have you seen any of these jewelry commercials?  No one can pull off moves like that.  Well maybe Antonio Banderas but an average guy like me?  I can only wish.  You know what I got my girlfriend for her birthday?  I made her a comic book.  I haven't gotten my mom anything yet, and my V-Day plans look eerily similar to my plans for ten years from now (I have no fuckin idea).  Anyways, maybe if I spent less time writing this and more time brainstorming I could pull of some kick ass Adam Brody casanova maneuver.  We'll see what happens.  I'm hoping an idea will land in my lap within the next hour or so.